Your grace has found me just as I am

14 weeks, 7 speakers, 80 people (28 staff, 47 students, 5 kids), 1 house, 2 kitchens, 5 tents, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 25 triple bunk beds, 2 trucks, 1 bus, 1 tent city, 6 outreach locations, 1 neighbourhood, 1 city, 1 nation,

80 lives transformed

2 weeks left

My summer has been something very few experience, and the ones that do will never forget it. We live in a small nation in the Caribbean that was once devastated by nature but is now more hopeful than ever. We spend our days learning more about God’s undying love and character, and reaching out to the community and city. It’s hot, sweaty and sticky. We take bucket showers and flush the toilet with water from the pool. We accumulate tons of dust and dirt in and around our house, and line up for meals three times a day. Hand washing clothes has gotten easier but we don’t mind wearing something that might not be clean. This is probably the weirdest definition of community that I have seen.

Every time I stop and think about how crazy this all is, I realize how much grace is really upon us. The house is full of joy and love and respect for one another and although we have times of disagreement, it gets resolved. We had a generosity night where people starting giving what they had to each other in order to help raise money for outreaches. After that night every single person had the $300 deposit. And after two weeks of everyone walking in that spirit of generosity, every single person is able to go on outreach. That means many Haitians and foreign students are traveling to places like Jamaica, Brazil, Benin and the Dominican Republic for 2 months. In a short 2 weeks we will all be splitting up into these teams and going out into the nations to do many different ministries. My team is a small team of 7 with two kids and we will be starting our outreach in a town called Hinch located right in the center of Haiti. We have an amazing opportunity there to work with a Mission that has 16 churches and schools, as well as agricultural areas, children’s ministry and contact with local villages. We may also have the chance to build a water tank there. For now we are planning to spend 2 weeks there, and then move to a more southern part of Haiti where we can work with orphanages, churches, and voodoo ministry. After about one month here in Haiti, our team will be meeting up with 2 more teams (17 people) and going to the Dominican Republic for the second month, and working together there with an awesome contact. This location also has many various ministries we can work with. We are all very excited for this next phase of our school and know God will definitely change us and use us in so many ways.

Something that God has been telling us over the last few months is that Haiti is going to be a blessing for the nations. That He loves this place and these people more than we can ever know, and He wants to see it prosper. Haiti has so much potential. The people are strong, they are fighters and the land is crying out to be used in a Godly way. I firmly believe I will see this nation completely different one day and not from my own doing. The people will rise up, take the land back for God and be honest leaders. Already in the short 6 months that I’ve been here, I have seen proof of that. I’ve met Godly people, I’ve seen restoration, and I’ve felt the change. I can’t get out in words what I feel about this place. There is just something about it under all the trash, the rubble and tent cities there is hope, and its rising up and pushing past all the physical problems.

“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world”

It is possible to see the potential and the hope when we know He is in us. It doesn't always make life easier, but it always makes life worth living. I am confident that even when I don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m here or who I am, He see’s me. And I know that I don’t make all the right choices or say the right things, but God knows my heart, and my desire to love these people. I try my very best to live out what I believe and love people with my actions but when I fail, I’m still covered in love and grace, and that is comforting. So here we go Haiti, lets both continue this way, knowing God’s love for us, and make this life worth it. 

Haiti you have my heart

Deep room cleaning on a Sunday morning. Pancake and coffee breakfast. Unexpected electricity and internet.

This morning I went through and cleaned out most of my personal belongings and decided what laundry needed to be washed this afternoon. I came across a pocket full of old receipts, I’m not sure how they got there or why I had kept them, but I read through each one. It was really all just a mixture of Starbucks and airport store receipts from the past year. I took the time to throw each one away individually, in a sense throwing away small parts of my year. In some strange way this action contained symbolism for me. It was as if I was looking at the past, and getting rid of what I didn’t need. My only thought was, I want to leave my past behind me, I want to go home different. I want this time to count for something. It’s easy to get caught up in the difficulties of living in a third world nation. It’s easy to let yourself believe that going home to comfort will fix all your problems, and make life better. I know I’ve gone through my fair share of hard times being here, but nothing in comparison to the people who actually live here. I don’t know what it is, but there is something inside of me, even still, that says, you deserve what you have in Canada, you have a right to it. My heart is torn between two realities. Like, if I run away from other peoples problems, then they wont exist. But the facts are, once you see it, once to speak to someone, or experience their life, its impossible to forget. Sure, we can turn off compassion, become numb to everything and wait it out. But once God plants His love in you, its strong. At the beginning of this week we had a severe hurricane warning expected to arrive in the next few days. As we were praying into it I was overwhelmed with the sense of concern for the people living in tents just down the road. I was moved to speak to the staff about my thoughts and was brought to tears at the thought of hundreds of people with no where to go if floods and mudslides did come. I’m not saying this to sound better than anyone, in fact most of the staff felt the same way. I want to say it, because I know God was the one who gave me that heart, and I really think there is something in that. I was overwhelmed by the thought that hundreds of relief workers arrive after a disaster, but where are all these people when they see the storm coming? It was days before the hurricane and yet no one was planning to move these people out of their current state. Will we always be there to clean up the mess instead of prevent it? I needed to do something. Anything I thought. So we broke up into teams to walk around the neighbourhood ( we live in quite a nice part of the city; gates, guards and big houses) I thought surely we could find enough people willing to open their homes to families in the tent city if the storm got too bad. Five. Five houses offered to take people in. Most of the responses I got sounded something like ‘ Sorry Ma’am I can’t do that. This is a government building’ Without hesitation. ‘Sorry, we are the UN, not an NGO. Try the house down the street’ Each house we stopped at, similar answers. As we walked down the road, pouring rain, I felt discouraged. Mostly I think because we hadn’t taken the time to build relationships with these people either. So why should we expect open arms from them. Also because I had thought we were all in Haiti for the same basic reason. Although the hurricane never came, those responses stuck with me. I have to ask myself, am I saying that to God? ‘sorry, that’s not in my contract. I didn’t sign up for that. oh no, to hard lets pack it up and go home’ If it’s not looking how I want it to look, am I more willing to complain then to take advantage of it. I can say it’s not about me, but unless I really live it, it’s just talk. We were reading in James on Friday in class, and my group pointed out a verse. “ Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.”  James 1:22-25 I don’t want to read, and feel and see what God is showing me, and forget all of it. I want to practice what I preach. I know what it says and what I am here to do. I can’t leave with the intention to forget it all.

with all that said. I believe God has insane amounts of grace over me. I wont succeed in everything I do or try but at least I know where I’m supposed to be. The weight of the world is not on my shoulders, and I don’t have to carry Haiti’s burdens. God shows me small pieces of His heart for this nation and I feel my love for it growing. Three months may not be a long time at all, but if I give everything I can it will be well worth it. I know its not about the action itself, but the heart behind it that counts.

How in the world did I get here?

life as we know it.

1:39pm Port au Prince Haiti. Sitting on the floor of my room leaning up against my suitcase, positioned right in front of the fan. Thanking God that the electricity is on. Just had some spaghetti lunch and a piece of dark chocolate, meditating on the last few weeks, and just trying to write a blog. I got half way through writing one, and accidently deleted it. Writers block. Or in my case, DTS staff blog writing block. Our speaker this week is teaching on spiritual warfare, he is from Texas, he is very passionate and has lived here for 25 years, yes this week will not be dull. With an extra 30 people from his base here for the week, we have around over 110 people or so I've lost count. Last week we hiked up a mountain, did a medical clinic, hiked back down, and built a water tank. And by we, I really just mean my team, because I got sick on day 2, slept on the floor of the church with the backpacks, and tried to watch what I ate. Well we have 5 weeks here at the house before we break of into teams and go out into the world. My team is lucky team Haiti, and we will be staying here for the two months.