in conclusion

on the first flight to Haiti in December of 2010, I was staring out my window quietly whispering to myself, its not about you. After a very long day of travel from Hawaii, and an unexpected delay in Fort Lauderdale, our flight arrived at night into this so called dangerous nation. With all of our luggage lost for 7 days and repeated change in plans it proved to be nothing of what I had hoped for or expected. I was angry with myself for not loving it, and angry with God for sending me there with the knowledge I was going back. I fulfilled my 3 month obligation with my team before going home for a month to fundraise for the second part of my Haiti adventure. I’m not sure how I ever convinced myself to return for the school in May but thankfully God had his hand over my decision and I went.

The last 6 months have been by far the most challenging, ridiculous, and rewarding months of my life.

I realize there is probably no series of words that can effectively explain what it is like to live in a house with 80 people, or share a bathroom with 16 girls. What day to day life with a Haitian family with 2 children is like. Or even the emotion of finding nests of spiders hiding in your clothes. But considering most people don’t know, I will try my best.

Lets start at the beginning. If you walked through our gate you would probably find 5-10 Haitian children from the tent city sitting and yelling out various names in the house. If it was at the end of the school, you would see them stealing our shoe laces to make bracelets that they later sold back to us. If you walked over to the gazebo, you might find a few random mattresses laying on the ground, some people talking, and then you would see our pool. Our lovely pool without a pump, filled with algae and growing many insects and baby frogs, was the reason we could save so much money on water. Instead of flushing our toilets the regular way, we utilized the water in our yard just going to waste and hauled buckets to the bathrooms. After walking past that pool (that people jumped in on more than one occasion) you will see our kitchen, wash buckets and a few rooms tucked behind for our married couples. The front door of our house, never closed, is surrounded by dozens of shoes all mismatched sprawled out over the entrance. Downstairs we have 3 couches that somehow started to be a nesting ground for mosquito's, and yet there would probably be a bunch of people sitting on them. The boys rooms are downstairs, but I don’t think any of them sleep in them. Most of them slept in the gazebo or on the roof. If you continued upstairs you would walk right into our classroom, 60-70 chairs either piled up, or set out for class. The girls rooms are also upstairs, but as I said before, not many of them really slept there. Most girls brought out there mattresses into the classroom at night. For a while I left my bed with my mosquito net I just couldn’t let go of, but after outreach I joined all the other girls in the classroom. Every morning breakfast tried to be at 7, and the staff met in the gazebo at 7:30. Class more often then not started right after 8. We spent the morning listening to lectures and the afternoons learning various things. But it was the night time that you really would have to see. 80 people, half international, half Haitian, all worshiping God together was unlike anything I have ever heard. By the end of the 3 months we all knew each others languages to sing Creole and English songs together.

At the end of those months, we divided up into teams to go out into the nations. We had Haitian missionaries in Brazil, Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, and Benin west Africa. But more than anything we had Haiti walking out the prophesy that Haiti will be a blessing to the nations, not a curse. When people think Haiti, they think earthquake, they don’t think 1 year old girl from cite sole, the poorest place in the Western Hemisphere going to the Amazon in Brazil to minister to the indigenous people. We got to be a part of the restoration of a nation that has been held captive by the assumptions of richer countries that won’t bother to do anything but send millions of dollars that sit in containers. We shared money we shared food and we shared blessings. We brought in knowledge to people who are thirsty for something more than waiting on a hand out. We came together and trusted that God has a plan for Haiti far greater than anything we could imagine. Literally we put our faith to the test and leaped into His arms believing that He asked us to jump and He will catch us.

Living in that house, sending out missionaries, re-affirming a hope in Haiti are all things we were apart of, but none of those things could have been done without the grace of God. It would be foolish to think that we had any part of this more than just saying yes God you are big, and yes God we will go. It’s incomprehensible that that many people lived together like that and we are all sane, and still love each other. God broke down our walls and rebuilt our foundation in Him. He gave us the privilege to walk out in the love that He so generously shows us.

God has given me the love that he has for Haiti and I wont let go of that. Leaving yesterday was the more difficult thing of that entire 8 months. I can’t explain what it feels like to love people like that. I cried for them, I cried for the homes they had to go back to and mostly I just cried because I was sad. It felt like I had just invested my heart into something that could no longer continue. The truth is that I am only a very tiny part of the change of Haiti and although I love it very much, it’s not my time right now to be there.  And as I sat on the plane leaving Haiti last night, I stared out my window and had to repeat to myself, its not about you.

life on the island

after spending a month in the mountains of Haiti, we have moved to the coast of the Dominican Republic. Although its only a 4hour drive across the border it feels a lot different. Less people, less traffic, less Haitians, and more mosquitoes. The place we are staying is a concrete building with open rooms and an unfinished upstairs. Living here is a lot like camping. Every night we set up out beds in random places of the house, with mosquito nets and a lot of people sleep outside and pray it doesn’t rain. I learnt my lesson not to sleep outside when we were woken up at 4am to pouring rain and everyone running inside. Yes, now my bed consists of 2 mattress’s two mosquito nets under the kitchen table with two other girls. Like I said, a lot like camping. On the other hand, we are blessed with plenty of running water and flushing toilets. We even have a pool in the back. The beach is a two minute walk away, and it reminds me of a deserted resort beach. There are lots of dogs and quite a bit of garbage, but this whole town is full of potential. Unlike Haiti, there are a few American stores and places to eat, one of which is Yogen Fruz (frozen yoghurt). The food is amazing here at the base too; we have cooks which the team helps to make each meal, and we are blessed with fruit and veggies everyday. Two teams spend the day out in the town doing ministry and one team stay’s back to prepare meals and work around the base. For the first week our team went to a couple of schools and shared testimonies and drama’s with the children. It’s difficult adjusting to speaking Spanish now instead of Haitian Creole. I find it ironic that for 4 years I was studying Spanish and the last 9 months trying to learn Creole have wiped that completely from my vocabulary. It’s fun trying to remember how to say things and ask questions. Today was our first day of church here, and starts our week here at the base. The base leaders have a wonderful vision for this base to be a place for teams to stay, missionaries to find rest, and a place to offer more training. This is the reason that our teams are spending so much time here. We get the chance to be a small part of the foundation and pioneering of this base, which is very exciting. Although, last week we had one day here at the base working, and we found a spider the size of my hand in one of the rooms.. so I’m a bit afraid of what we might find here.

With 3 short weeks of outreach left I can’t help but think about the fact that I’ll be back in Red Deer in a month. This past year has been crazy and non-stop learning,working, traveling, and being stretched out of my comfort zone. I’ve seen and experienced more things then I even thought was possible. I’m constantly asking if this is really my life and I’m so incredibly grateful for all of the people I have shared this time with. If I had to think of one, the motto for my life would probably be something along the lines of “be flexible” “laugh so that you don’t cry” “it’s not going to look how you thought” or “don’t ask questions”. I can definitely say there was never a dull moment and although a lot of my year was challenging, I’m really going to miss living this way.

a whole new perspective

Two weeks into outreach in Hinche and I’m really starting to see the difference time makes. I’ve spent about 6 months in Haiti now, am staying here for another 2, and I can’t believe how much my outlook on this nation has changed. The first couple months were very difficult for me. I spent a lot of time wondering why I came, why God had let these things happen, and what my part was in all of this. I had a very judgemental and superficial attitude about Haiti and the people who live and work here. I had the let’s save Haiti mentality even if I felt otherwise, that’s what my actions said. I did very little to learn the language or acknowledge the culture as positive in any way. I tried and tried but could never get past the devastation and hurt. I demanded God to help me but wouldn’t let go and let Him. Going home after the first 3 months was bittersweet because I knew God was calling me back to Haiti for an additional 5 months and I couldn’t bear the thought of trying to normalize everything again. In Port au Prince there is trash on the street, people everywhere, constant commotion and someone always trying to get your attention. When I got home I experienced reverse culture shock; realizing where I was and where I came from was not easy. Faithfully God showed me His plan for me to return to Haiti and without a second thought I did. Over the last 3 months when we were in Port au Prince learning more about God, we spent a lot of time in the classroom. We had lots of freedom on days off to go about Port au Prince and explore. This gave me an amazing opportunity to see Haiti in a completely different way; I was actually enjoying the city and the people for the first time. Granted, the last 3 months were not easy, God was changing me and growing me in many new ways. There was a significant difference though in the way I was viewing the nation. I felt very confident in the fact that it is my choice whether I stay here or not. I believe God has called me here, He must have the plan. Bringing us back to present day Hinche. I don’t have the words to explain the change in everything I’ve experienced here. Sure, the people, the space, the land, those are physically different, but my mindset has switched along with everything else. We have been spending so much time in the community here. As always I’m side tracked with thoughts and forget to update what we are actually doing.. So. We are doing a lot of children’s ministry in the area. We have a giant property with grass and a pavilion where we share simple messages telling the love of God, and play ‘ what time is it mr. wolf’. Most of the day our team is split up and some go to outer villages and paint school buildings. That is also a great opportunity to meet people and talk about why we are here. My half of the team stay’s in the town and I love walking back behind the property into the villages. It’s only been a short time but people are already learning our names and getting used to seeing us around. My love for the people here is a big part of the change in myself. I feel genuinely excited each day to wake up and go out to see who God has for us to meet that day. Because we are so incredibly blessed here we get to make our own meals and take care of this beautiful little house each day as well. I feel completely free to let the team do what God is laying on their hearts, and they are always so good at sharing that. It’s not so much that our lives our perfect here, it’s that we are trusting in God to set our paths, and with that comes peace. We are learning daily what it means to live in community and listen to one another. I am a bit worried that after these two months we wont know how to live without each other. All this to say, we still disagree, we still misunderstand, but at the end of the day we are all here for the same reason, and that brings peace. Today in the car on the way to church, God revealed something to me that I hadn’t thought of. He reminded me how 5 months ago I was grumbling my way to church in anything I could find to wear not even looking twice at the children down the row from me. I knew very little Creole, but some words I did know were ‘ go away’, which I used flippantly to the children begging for my attention when I had very little patience. My heart was not to tell them to leave or that I didn’t want them, but that was what I was saying. I don’t think God brought that to my mind to rebuke me, but to show me how much of a difference effort and time make in getting to know a country and its people.  As I sat in the car thinking about this I smiled because of the words I now know, like ‘ please’ or ‘ hold on, I need a minute’. Also because I was wearing the nicest clothes I had that were clean, and I was planning to share about the drama the students would perform. I don’t think the ministry I did for the last few months was ineffective, but there is a huge  difference between doing something because you have to, and doing something because you want to. I can honestly say that right now I love what I’m doing. I am starting to see that the world has a completely skewed view of Haiti, and its ridiculous that it’s always in the news for horrible things. Seriously people, someone needs to start talking about the culture, the achievements and the insane beauty hidden on this island. I keep saying it, we all know it. Please North America, see Haiti for something other than rubble. There is an actually nation behind the headlines that has something good going for them, why is that so hard for us to see? I’m almost embarrassed defending an entire nation that doesn’t need me to defend them. All we have to do is have some faith that our God knows what he is doing with his people.

 

 

when you enter a season for change.. things are bound to change

This last week most of the teams have left for places all around the world. And after spending 3 months together in one house goodbyes aren’t easy. From the last day of class to the last team leaving I’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment for everyone who is in DTS this summer. It’s been amazing seeing the transformation of so many students and myself in this time of learning and growing with God. We have had a chance to learn about evangelism, medical and clean water ministries as well as our personal relationship with God. It was a full and busy 3 months and now we have 5 teams all over the world. Some of the Haitians got to ride on a plane for the first time, and see New York  for the day. Others are in Brazil and Jamaica for the first time. We had a hopeful goodbye as each team starts 2 months in a new location.

My team is a team of 8 and two children(9months + 8 years) and we are staying in Haiti for the first month and moving to the Dominican Republic for another month. We started our journey on Friday and are now in a town called Hinch. We were welcomed with open arms and blessings as we arrived at the house we are staying at. The organization had never before received a team outside of their mission so we are the first. Our team could not feel more at home here with warm smiles and hot coffee all the time. Not only are they allowing us to be apart of their mission and ministries, but they are allowing us complete access to the property and everything in it. We are constantly finding ourselves without words for how grateful we are to God for bringing us here.

Today was no exception to all of that. This morning I was woken up to chilly air and running water in the bathroom. (something I’m still not used to) I got dressed in my best Sunday clothes and headed downstairs for a morning devotion and yes.. a cup of coffee awaiting me. It was a slow morning as this all started around six, and we didn’t need to leave for church until nine. As I helped clean up after breakfast I realized just how much it really felt like a normal home-town Sunday morning and I was overly grateful for that. In Port Au Prince Sundays usually involved waking up late, missing breakfast and doing laundry all day. Not bad, just different. Today was refreshing for that exact reason. Church was also a pleasant surprise; it was beautiful architecture, very big and very clean. We had a chance to share with the children, a skit and short message, they were all so adorable. Later on we had an amazing tour of the village surrounding where we are and honestly I did not think Haiti could get any more beautiful. It’s crazy because if people knew what was here, it would be outrun with tourists, and if Haitians knew the value of where they live, they would stop wanting to get to America.

As we have been getting settled these past few days we have also been planning ministry for the next 2 weeks. We will be doing a lot of painting churches and schools, as well as local outreach to the people around us. We are staying in a small, safe community with tons of opportunity to go out and meet people.

Personally I could not feel more blessed here. Our days will be busy and long, but we have an amazing place to come back to to be refreshed, and an amazing God who can do just that. Our team feels such peace being here, and we are all loving being with the children everyday. It’s so nice to have a small enough team that we feel like family and operate like family. I just never could have imagined a year ago this is where I would be today.

 

Your grace has found me just as I am

14 weeks, 7 speakers, 80 people (28 staff, 47 students, 5 kids), 1 house, 2 kitchens, 5 tents, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 25 triple bunk beds, 2 trucks, 1 bus, 1 tent city, 6 outreach locations, 1 neighbourhood, 1 city, 1 nation,

80 lives transformed

2 weeks left

My summer has been something very few experience, and the ones that do will never forget it. We live in a small nation in the Caribbean that was once devastated by nature but is now more hopeful than ever. We spend our days learning more about God’s undying love and character, and reaching out to the community and city. It’s hot, sweaty and sticky. We take bucket showers and flush the toilet with water from the pool. We accumulate tons of dust and dirt in and around our house, and line up for meals three times a day. Hand washing clothes has gotten easier but we don’t mind wearing something that might not be clean. This is probably the weirdest definition of community that I have seen.

Every time I stop and think about how crazy this all is, I realize how much grace is really upon us. The house is full of joy and love and respect for one another and although we have times of disagreement, it gets resolved. We had a generosity night where people starting giving what they had to each other in order to help raise money for outreaches. After that night every single person had the $300 deposit. And after two weeks of everyone walking in that spirit of generosity, every single person is able to go on outreach. That means many Haitians and foreign students are traveling to places like Jamaica, Brazil, Benin and the Dominican Republic for 2 months. In a short 2 weeks we will all be splitting up into these teams and going out into the nations to do many different ministries. My team is a small team of 7 with two kids and we will be starting our outreach in a town called Hinch located right in the center of Haiti. We have an amazing opportunity there to work with a Mission that has 16 churches and schools, as well as agricultural areas, children’s ministry and contact with local villages. We may also have the chance to build a water tank there. For now we are planning to spend 2 weeks there, and then move to a more southern part of Haiti where we can work with orphanages, churches, and voodoo ministry. After about one month here in Haiti, our team will be meeting up with 2 more teams (17 people) and going to the Dominican Republic for the second month, and working together there with an awesome contact. This location also has many various ministries we can work with. We are all very excited for this next phase of our school and know God will definitely change us and use us in so many ways.

Something that God has been telling us over the last few months is that Haiti is going to be a blessing for the nations. That He loves this place and these people more than we can ever know, and He wants to see it prosper. Haiti has so much potential. The people are strong, they are fighters and the land is crying out to be used in a Godly way. I firmly believe I will see this nation completely different one day and not from my own doing. The people will rise up, take the land back for God and be honest leaders. Already in the short 6 months that I’ve been here, I have seen proof of that. I’ve met Godly people, I’ve seen restoration, and I’ve felt the change. I can’t get out in words what I feel about this place. There is just something about it under all the trash, the rubble and tent cities there is hope, and its rising up and pushing past all the physical problems.

“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world”

It is possible to see the potential and the hope when we know He is in us. It doesn't always make life easier, but it always makes life worth living. I am confident that even when I don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m here or who I am, He see’s me. And I know that I don’t make all the right choices or say the right things, but God knows my heart, and my desire to love these people. I try my very best to live out what I believe and love people with my actions but when I fail, I’m still covered in love and grace, and that is comforting. So here we go Haiti, lets both continue this way, knowing God’s love for us, and make this life worth it. 

Haiti you have my heart

Deep room cleaning on a Sunday morning. Pancake and coffee breakfast. Unexpected electricity and internet.

This morning I went through and cleaned out most of my personal belongings and decided what laundry needed to be washed this afternoon. I came across a pocket full of old receipts, I’m not sure how they got there or why I had kept them, but I read through each one. It was really all just a mixture of Starbucks and airport store receipts from the past year. I took the time to throw each one away individually, in a sense throwing away small parts of my year. In some strange way this action contained symbolism for me. It was as if I was looking at the past, and getting rid of what I didn’t need. My only thought was, I want to leave my past behind me, I want to go home different. I want this time to count for something. It’s easy to get caught up in the difficulties of living in a third world nation. It’s easy to let yourself believe that going home to comfort will fix all your problems, and make life better. I know I’ve gone through my fair share of hard times being here, but nothing in comparison to the people who actually live here. I don’t know what it is, but there is something inside of me, even still, that says, you deserve what you have in Canada, you have a right to it. My heart is torn between two realities. Like, if I run away from other peoples problems, then they wont exist. But the facts are, once you see it, once to speak to someone, or experience their life, its impossible to forget. Sure, we can turn off compassion, become numb to everything and wait it out. But once God plants His love in you, its strong. At the beginning of this week we had a severe hurricane warning expected to arrive in the next few days. As we were praying into it I was overwhelmed with the sense of concern for the people living in tents just down the road. I was moved to speak to the staff about my thoughts and was brought to tears at the thought of hundreds of people with no where to go if floods and mudslides did come. I’m not saying this to sound better than anyone, in fact most of the staff felt the same way. I want to say it, because I know God was the one who gave me that heart, and I really think there is something in that. I was overwhelmed by the thought that hundreds of relief workers arrive after a disaster, but where are all these people when they see the storm coming? It was days before the hurricane and yet no one was planning to move these people out of their current state. Will we always be there to clean up the mess instead of prevent it? I needed to do something. Anything I thought. So we broke up into teams to walk around the neighbourhood ( we live in quite a nice part of the city; gates, guards and big houses) I thought surely we could find enough people willing to open their homes to families in the tent city if the storm got too bad. Five. Five houses offered to take people in. Most of the responses I got sounded something like ‘ Sorry Ma’am I can’t do that. This is a government building’ Without hesitation. ‘Sorry, we are the UN, not an NGO. Try the house down the street’ Each house we stopped at, similar answers. As we walked down the road, pouring rain, I felt discouraged. Mostly I think because we hadn’t taken the time to build relationships with these people either. So why should we expect open arms from them. Also because I had thought we were all in Haiti for the same basic reason. Although the hurricane never came, those responses stuck with me. I have to ask myself, am I saying that to God? ‘sorry, that’s not in my contract. I didn’t sign up for that. oh no, to hard lets pack it up and go home’ If it’s not looking how I want it to look, am I more willing to complain then to take advantage of it. I can say it’s not about me, but unless I really live it, it’s just talk. We were reading in James on Friday in class, and my group pointed out a verse. “ Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.”  James 1:22-25 I don’t want to read, and feel and see what God is showing me, and forget all of it. I want to practice what I preach. I know what it says and what I am here to do. I can’t leave with the intention to forget it all.

with all that said. I believe God has insane amounts of grace over me. I wont succeed in everything I do or try but at least I know where I’m supposed to be. The weight of the world is not on my shoulders, and I don’t have to carry Haiti’s burdens. God shows me small pieces of His heart for this nation and I feel my love for it growing. Three months may not be a long time at all, but if I give everything I can it will be well worth it. I know its not about the action itself, but the heart behind it that counts.

How in the world did I get here?

life as we know it.

1:39pm Port au Prince Haiti. Sitting on the floor of my room leaning up against my suitcase, positioned right in front of the fan. Thanking God that the electricity is on. Just had some spaghetti lunch and a piece of dark chocolate, meditating on the last few weeks, and just trying to write a blog. I got half way through writing one, and accidently deleted it. Writers block. Or in my case, DTS staff blog writing block. Our speaker this week is teaching on spiritual warfare, he is from Texas, he is very passionate and has lived here for 25 years, yes this week will not be dull. With an extra 30 people from his base here for the week, we have around over 110 people or so I've lost count. Last week we hiked up a mountain, did a medical clinic, hiked back down, and built a water tank. And by we, I really just mean my team, because I got sick on day 2, slept on the floor of the church with the backpacks, and tried to watch what I ate. Well we have 5 weeks here at the house before we break of into teams and go out into the world. My team is lucky team Haiti, and we will be staying here for the two months.

grace, joy and starbucks

Last week I flew home to Canada to be in my friend’s wedding and visit my family. My time there included lots of driving around, dressing up, hot showers and Starbucks, all of which truly are foreign things to Haiti. So you can imagine that coming back after all that wouldn’t be the easiest thing. I had my mindset to leave and come back as if I never left. I intended to mesh these two worlds in my life perfectly. That simply was not the case. After two days home I found myself adjusting quite quickly to my room, my car and ability to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I drove 5 hours to the wedding and spent a couple days in a beautiful mountain resort in BC. It was such a privilege to be a bridesmaid and share in her perfect day. Sunday morning it was the long drive home after filling the gas tank and buying breakfast. I felt blessed to have this mini vacation home to visit everyone, but as quick as I arrived I found myself on the plane again.

Once in Haiti I was greeted by hot weather and sitting in the back of the truck without my luggage because the airport kindly forgot to return it to me. Ah welcome home. Every piece inside of me wants to give what I have to this country, but sometimes it’s really not possible. On my own that is. So I honestly believe that here in Haiti God’s grace comes in the form of joy. The only way to cope with living with 80 people is to laugh it off. Just smile when you’re using left over fruit seeds as face scrub or getting a bucket of water to shower with. The reality is this is only 4 months of my life. My reality is in Canada. I’m surrounded by thousands of people who can’t change their reality of living in a tent city without clean water or three meals a day. I’m part of this school because I want to be a part of this movement of Haitian people standing up and being leaders in their country. Following God and changing the circumstances. Haiti has potential. The people here have the potential. I really believe the world has to stop feeling sorry for Haiti and giving handouts. Let’s clean up the trash, build the houses and get some honest people into power. I’m excited to see Haiti in 50 years and not be able to recognize it. A lady came to our class to speak on Friday, her name is Kim Odwyer. She fell in love with the nation and never looked back. When she first came to Haiti she was taking care of a very sick young boy who as rushed to the Miami hospital. He was a miracle baby; there is no physical explanation why he is alive today. After that point she and another lady started taking care of more children. She is currently running her own orphanage with help of local Haitian woman in the area and is in the process of adopting two boys. (the miracle baby Josiah and his twin brother). After only a year of being in Haiti they have 20 children, a church, a school, and have plans to build a clinic. The name of her orphanage is ‘Children of Grace’ Her story inspires me so much. It reminds me how much is possible when we lay down our own desires and needs. God provides the grace to live in these places, and the joy to continue living there.
After hearing her story God gently reminded me that the little things are really not mine to worry about. That my short 4 month commitment would not break me, and that He would be alongside me the whole time. That my life does have two different worlds and there is nothing wrong with that. Right now I’m not called to sell everything or run an orphanage, and it’s really not about that either. It’s that obedience is better than sacrifice, and as long as I’m in His will, He’s promised to help me through the difficult times. I truly love it here, and the more I focus on each day at a time the more I will fall in love with it. I’m going to give all I have into these next months in Haiti and thank God for finding joy in the most ridiculous things.
2010/2011

greater things are still to be done in this city

Our speaker this week was from France, American man, perfect French, perfect English.  He had a lot of wisdom, stories and teachings, but the thing that captured us most, was how much he relied on God to speak through him. It was so apparent that he has a personal relationship with God, and that is how he lives his life. Throughout the week there were times when we would just be led by God, not paying attention to the time or schedule. So many people were set free of things that had bonded them in the past, and allowed God to minister to them and change them. I witnessed the power in declaring freedom in lives and hearts, though His love.  One of the days we went out into the community to talk with people and pray for them. Before we left we prayed for God to lead us to places or people. Someone in my group felt we were to pray for children, specifically disabled or sick children. So we went out on our way walking down the street with no real direction, and stopped to talk with a few people. After about 45 minutes we were praying with a lady and another lady brought us to her house where she had a son who was paralyzed from the neck down and mute. We prayed for him and his family, and after that were brought 2 more children all sick, who we prayed for. What was different about this day was that we had 3 different languages between the people in our group. So every time we prayed, it would need to be translated twice. For example if I prayed, it was English, to French, to Creole. It was a mix of cultures, and I felt that there was so much more significance in that than just praying in one language. I really felt God through these different people, all together for one purpose. Each group that went out that day had similar stories, and it was so encouraging. We don’t go out to preach to people, we aren’t telling them they are wrong, or that they are living in sin condemned to darkness. We simple ask to talk to people. We want to know them, and their story, their life. It’s funny because most people do want hope; they do want to know they are loved, that they are a child of God.  It’s not about convincing people, it’s about showing people. Because everyone has questions, everyone wants to believe that they are living for a purpose, that there is a God that made them, who loves them.

Personally for me this week, I’ve been learning a lot about hearing God’s voice. I’m getting outside of religion and closer to God in a new way. I’m figuring out that my life is not a boring text book full of rules to follow in order to be a Christian. God is so much more than we can ever know or define. The church is more than a building, and love is more than an emotion. I’ve seen so many people from different back rounds and cultures in one place serving one God that it’s impossible to pretend that He doesn’t have redeeming power and love, or a place in my life.

This Saturday our speaker left, and students went out to do different things. A couple of girls and I went for a short walk to buy pâté from the street. These are basically deep fried pastries with meat, vegetables, spicy sauce and eggs in them. Very delicious, very unhealthy. We walked back home, and used a French press to make Starbucks coffee and sat in the gazebo to have breakfast. By this time it was about 9:30, and our little adventure had started at 8. We realized that at home that would have taken about 5 minutes in a drive through at Tim Horton’s. Simple things here take forever, and yet they are only more appreciated. In Canada simple things take a short time, and are equally appreciated with the right mindset. I don’t think everyone needs to experience having nothing in order to not take life for granted. We need to know that we are blessed no matter where we live. For me, I feel blessed that I can live in two very different places, and love them both. In nine days I’m going home for a wedding, where I am a bridesmaid for one of my best friends. To me, nothing sounds better than leaving Haiti, when I know I already have a ticket back.

monday morning starts a new week, new speaker. and I can not wait to see what happens next.

my life could not be more crazy.

I'd like to start by saying my month here in Haiti has been nothing less than insane, so I do apologize for not updating everyone sooner, it's just staff training, students arriving, starting a school, and hardly having electricity all make it quite difficult to sit down and write.
But at last here we are, update #1

Let’s just clear up some YWAM lingo:

DTS – discipleship training school, 3 months of lectures from various speakers that will be talking about missions, life as a follower of Jesus, character of God, and many others, followed by 2-3 months of Outreach in a country such as Benin, Jamaica, Brazil & Cuba.

Just to clear up exactly what I am doing…

I’m currently staffing this DTS, with 24 others, and we spent 3 weeks preparing for the students to arrive. We will have around 50 students, 30 Haitian, 20 International. We are all living in one big house with triple high bunk beds, and limited shower resources. The school is starting, and most of the students have arrived.  We are one house and 80 people, all sharing everything.  I’m extremely excited for the work God will be doing in each of us.

Where this year has brought me

The day I got back to Haiti, I was filled with a joy I can’t explain. I was so happy to be back in a familiar place, with familiar people; maybe a little dysfunctional, and messy, but comforting. I saw everything completely differently than I had before and from that day on I knew God had started a work in me way before this DTS. God has truly given me His eyes for this country, and so much more. The fight that took place to get me here was worth it. The struggles, the meltdowns, and the disbelief, could not stop God from giving me His heart for Haiti. I can’t help but be humbled by remembering every time I thought I knew better than God.

And now that we are starting, and the students are here I’m beginning to grasp a small bit of God’s love for them.  I know He has really put me in a place to grow, and help others grow as well. Our community in this house is much different that any that I’ve experienced.  With the language barriers and cultural differences in a house of so many people, we have no choice but to rely on God to get through each day. After one week we all have become one big family. There really is no way to explain how 80 people living in one house without running water, aren't killing each other. We are learning a lot about respect and value. And personal space. It's really refreshing to be reminded what is really important in life. I've never seen so many people hungry for what God has for them.

This week is the first speaker who has come to teach, and we are expecting big things. He is teaching on walking in the Spirit, and in this nation, that is exactly what we need to be learning about. Darkness just falls away when the presence is as thick as it is here. I feel so privileged to be here, and be walking with all this students in this season. This really will be the most exciting 6 months of my life. A time of growth i'm never going to forget.

But oh, lets not forget all the fun we are having here..

beach days, greasy american food, tap tap rides, praying for water.. praying for rain..praying for coffee in the morning.. taking buckets to the well to shower with..half the DTS sleeping upstairs in the classroom because its just to hot to be in the rooms..wondering about mysterious bug bites..laughing off the things we really can't understand.. walking to the shops, buying snacks, having big barbeques..eating rice and beans, and hotdogs..sharing just about everything.. and did I mention 15 girls to each bathroom?

And the great part is that this is just a choice.

We choose to live in Haiti.

We choose to live in uncomfortable conditions.

We choose to give up our personal space.

We let people speak into our lives and coach us, and run alongside us.

We let ourselves become vulnerable to each other.

We choose not to let the little things bother us.

We choose to fight for what we believe in.

And through those choices, we are also deciding to become close to God. We are an open book to Him, we are laying down our lives, and we are following Him. We are living to learn, and learning to grow. This just happens to be the best way I can think of.

here we are again

sunday night.
I spent the day packing, and cleaning, and taking a very long nap.
tomorrow i'm finishing those things that need to be finished,
and buying the things that need to be bought.
it will be my last day in kona, for an un-determined amount of time.
then, tuesday morning, i'm on my way back to Haiti.

this night reminds me of our DTS graduation in march.
dark sky and bright cafe lights. i'm really not sure
how time can pass so quickly. and how we can end up
exactly where we started, only to start again.
which really makes me realize
how important it is to live for the day.
not to take them to seriously, but document those moments.
the reasons life is really that good.
this week I found myself at a cafe downtown, reading,
having a coffee and watching the rain, on the waterfront.
and on wednesday i'll be in haiti, killing mosquitos,eating beans and rice,
and taking many cold showers.
it's all about perspective.

the reason I can find joy in both of those things
is because i'm following God to these places,
the things I get to experience just because I'm willing to go.
sure, its not always easy, or perfect, or clean.
but it is definitely never dull.
so as I packed up today, and weighed my suitcase
I was gently reminded of that.
it isn't me alone, it really isn't me at all,
it's simply that I said yes, I'll go. send me.

"Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change"

kona Life

Returning back to Hawaii, has been different in a number of ways.
It's crazy how a place can be so defined by the people, and experiences that
were there before. This week has given me a lot of time think about my previous trips, and get prepared for the next one. I'm spending most days in the
DTS (discipleship training school) office. We are calling students, and getting the last few pieces of the school wrapped up. I'm really enjoying my time there,
and its been good connecting with future students. It's allowing me to become very invested in the school. The longer i'm in Kona, the more excited I am to go to Haiti. I really never thought that I would be looking forward to it so much. Going home made me more aware of the things I have to live without here, it's also put a perspective on what is really important. Sometimes it's good to be out of that comfort zone, I find it only draws me closer to God. Leaving again has also helped me figure out where my heart is. I want to keep living for God. And I want to keep reaching out to the Nations. I find so much more joy in this, than all the material things that I have, or could have. I know that God calls each and every one of us to something different. And i'm not even necessarily sure that this is my life calling. All I know is that this is where I want to be for now, and i'm walking with God in that.

I'm also praying about going to university, fall 2012 or the year after,
this is a little description of the course, I'd love input!

International Development Studies - University of Toronto Scarbrough
"Our programs provide students with a critical understanding of international development issues through exposure to a variety of academic disciplines, cultures, and, in the case of the specialist co-op program, an overseas work experience in the field of international development. The IDS programs are challenging and intended for bright and self motivated students who are interested in both excelling academically and actively engaging themselves in the pursuit of social justice around such issues as poverty, inequality, and oppression. The students in the IDS program take initiatives, seek empowerment, are driven to solve social and environmental problems, understand the importance of teamwork and coordination, and are responsible and accountable. They have diverse interests that span the social sciences, humanities, and environmental science, all of which is underpinned by a strong sense of social responsibility."

home!

Here in Red Deer.. I've had about a month to regroup, just in time to head back to Hawaii and Haiti again.
I'm leaving in one week back to beautiful Kona.
Starting to pack, working a bit all week, and getting more excited! I will be doing my best to keep updated and post a blog every week or so.

With that.. here is a video that a team member made and it show's a little of what we were doing in Haiti. Enjoy!

Hello Hawaii.

I'm not even sure of the date,
sometime after march 5th,
and it's a monday.

Thailand and Cambodia teams returned this afternoon, and Togo returns tonight in about an hour.
We got here saturday night, tired and with a stomach ache, I ate mcdonalds, and settled into my new room.
There are no words to describe my time in Haiti, and the last 5 months feel dream like. Basically i'd love to talk to everyone, show pictures, and tell stories. It's just not justified over the internet.

Walking the same streets in Kona feels like home, and yet at the same time, so far from home.
I can't explain the change i've experienced, and gone through, I feel new and refreshed, not totally different from myself, just a stronger, more secure version.

I feel very much that I made the right choice to follow God to Kona, Hawaii for my DTS.  I wish there was a way to write out my time, but there isn't. So many times i've laughed and cried, and thought only a crazy person would be doing this, I can't think of anything, or anyone else. These things can't be planned or forgotten. With a mix of emotions, and almost a lack of emotions, i'm starting the 3 day long process of seeing everyone I have been missing for 3 months, and saying goodbye to the ones i've spent 6 months with. I'm stuffed with priceless experiences, new passions and endless memories that I wouldn't trade for the world.

So even though my stomach can't settle, and my jeans don't fit, I've never felt better, or been more happy. Three days left in Kona leaves me with the time to rest, and catch up with friends. Friday i'm homeward bound.

Goodbye Hawaii, Hello Home

A new definition of Love.

Yesterday we spent the day at a tent city across the street. It seemed like any other day in Port au Prince, hot sun, a cold coke, and pasta for lunch. After returning from the tent city a second time I took my bi-daily shower and brushed out my hair. Not more then 15 minutes later some team members were going to an orphanage to play soccer and wanted me to join them. Since feeling clean is a rare thing I had no intention of sitting on the back of a truck again that day, but for some reason I was talked into it soon after sitting on a container of dried peaches in the truck on my way to this new orphanage. Eight of us sat in the truck as we were stuck in traffic and the sun was setting. It had been a good day so far, and I was enjoying going back out again. We slowly pulled up to a large gate with a giant children's painting on the front. There inside were 3 dogs to greet us as we washed our hands and walked in. It was a huge courtyard with 4 buildings around it. Sitting under a tree, were 12 or 13 special needs children anywhere from ages 12months to 14 years. We walked straight to them, holding hands and saying hello. One girl, probably 14 laying in a crib, smiled as I told her in english how beautiful her eyes were. My heart ached for these children, and I felt nothing but God's love for them. Minutes later after meeting each one, we rolled them in their wheelchairs into one building. Young children and workers helped direct us where to bring them. We came to a room at the end of the hall where the other special needs children were sitting watching a fuzzy television. We left them there, and continued to another room with some toddlers all watching another television. This orphanage was different, so much different then any other one in Haiti. They had large cement fish tanks, bunnies, kittens, goats, and even had a farm and two parrots. The man and wife who run it seemed to have a genuine love for the kids, as they told us there are 99 children living with them. I scooped up a toddler and caught up with the other girls, we walked under mango tree's and sat under a small gazebo. Although the mosquito's would not let up, I couldn't help but smile as I saw the children playing and heard the worship music in the back round. As it got darker I went back into the first building, I tried to set down the girl I was carrying but she wouldn't have it, she started to cry and curl up on the floor. I knew she didn't have parents, I knew with 99 children in one place she wouldn't have anyone to just sit and hold her. So that's what I did. I walked back and forth through the faded pink and green watermelon walls to the room on the end. I walked in and a lady asked me to sit in creole and I responded "wi". I sat with on the edge of a bed, in the room with the children and fuzzy tv. The little girl, smelling of baby powder rested her head on my chest and fell asleep. I silently prayed for each child and the one on my lap as they watched the tv or stared at me. Often in Haiti I can't help but wonder what am I doing here. But not yesterday. Yesterday was the type of day that makes me realize that everything I do and work hard for is worth it. Just to hold a baby who doesn't have a family, or pray in my thought's, is all I can do. Hearing her cry as I walked out only made my heart break more. We left the orphanage that night in the back of our truck as always, but it was different. I was reminded yesterday why I do what I do. And why Haiti has so much potential. Why people are worth more than anything in the world. Although my heart is a little more broken, my life is that much more full.
Love, Haiti, Love

A little piece of Haiti HEART.

You may be wondering what outreach is, well let me tell you.
Its a mixture of not showering, walking to get water, and hand washing your clothes.
add some beans and rice, rice and beans and beans and rice.
now, slowly realize that being on time, is a western idea, and simply irrelevant
and yes, your sweat pant shorts and t-shirts are a fashion statement
so force yourself out of your comfort zone
and prepare to be broken, and broken, and broken again
share everything and anything from toothbrushes, to drinks, to snacks, to thoughts and emotions
you'll understand the concept that personal space is a luxury
don't pet the animals
don't pet the animals
okay fine you can pet the cute ones
appreciate everything about where you are not and where you are
don't forget entertaining yourselves with old music, home made nature shows, dancing and a little game we like to call: If we were in Kona right now..
now just roll with it; sitting on cars, hiking up mountains, and eating large amounts of bread
if you expected to look good and clean all the time, just don't even bother with the mirror
starting to get the picture?
well, at least you'll be able to say things like ;
these are the times that we look back on and say, honestly what were we thinking?
and
yes we did just birth a baby
so pack up and move, and move again
learn to be flexible and take many naps
why not sew your own skirt
and just spend the extra money on that not so good american burger
learn to love the things you never thought you would
there are reasons why we are here, and not at our jobs and homes
or possibly
we are crazy to do this.
oh well
lets do it again.

Up until now, and we are all caught up.

We started the new year with a dance party and cheetos. And spent the next two weeks at our house in Mountriouse. Over that time we started going to another orphanage, and speaking at a mini dts, for our local haitian friends. We all shared testimony's and messages. We spent an entire day trekking up the mountain behind our house to a village and natural spring. Haiti is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen, but no one knows it. Because of the disasters and poverty, it's easily overlooked. But when you take the time to admire the surroundings, thats when you start to see Haiti with the potential it has. After the long and exhausting day, we thought it was to much work to carry the water from the well up to our bathroom, so a few of us just showered in our bathing suits right at the well. Sure you get a few strange looks, but there isn't anything more refreshing. After finishing half of the mini dts, we get some information on saturday that surprises us. Apparently we were supposed to move out of our house, and we had one day to pack. Our Pastor, as awesome as he is, forgot to mention that detail weeks prior.. so we spent saturday packing and sunday driving to port au prince. We are now at the YWAM base, enjoying our electricity and water, and not to mention internet. We started some tent city ministry and food distribution yesterday, while half the team went back to Mountriose to finish up the mini dts. On top of that, we are pretty sure we are moving to a different house here in port au prince. Monday marks our half way point, and if there is one thing we have learned in Haiti, it's be flexible.

December 26-29 Tent City.

Poorest Slum in the Western Hemisphere. Port au Prince Haiti.
Came in from a 2 hour long truck ride, under us is the side of a cut up semi truck placed over the top of another truck, along with a drum set and other items. Tired and sunburnt we unload our things and walk to an old Unicef tent thats been converted to a church. Intense would be an understatement. Surrounded by children, clothed or otherwise, begging to have our attention we try to sit and have a conversation. Still sick from the previous weeks, and completely culture shocked, it was a surprise to find out where we were sleeping; 13 people in an 8-10 man tent. On top of the lack of personal space and boundaries, the children kept fighting and terrorizing each other, never taking there eyes off us. On the last day, we picked up garbage or in other words, kept kids from fighting over garbage bags and gloves. All of these things, I had to admit were too much for me. The next morning we were scheduled to leave at 2:00pm, Haitian time that means.. give or take a day. Early in the afternoon, our Pastors wife started to have some labour pains, so we decided to have her walk around, and take her to the hospital a bit later, making the extra night in the city a blessing. 5 or 6 rolls around and we start to make some sleeping arrangements, one of the married couples decided to make a bed outside the tent, and set up a board and mosquito net. All of this underneath another Unicef tent by our tent. Gradually we set up more lights and tarps. Not even five minutes later Pastors wife is wobbling over with girls holding her up, towards the tent. Basically she was in labour and needed a place to lie down before it was time to go to the hospital. Now it was 7, and in haiti you make appointments to have a baby, and her appointment was at 9, so we had some time to kill. We propped her up with sleeping bags and backpacks, as her contractions got closer and closer. After about 30 minutes most of the girls were inside the make-shift maternity ward, sanitizing and finding cloth and sheets. We thought, its better to be safe then sorry, and although it wasn't ideal, we got prepared. When her contractions became 30 seconds long, and a minute apart we decided to get a second opinion. Collectively we had roughly an hour of first aid knowledge, plus two haitian ladies who don't understand english. We called anyone we would think of who might know if we are birthing a baby, or going to the hospital, but we just figured we would wait it out. It was around 7:55 and God had some unexpected plans. As the guys sat in the tent beside, drinking coffee and laughing that we were overreacting... we realized that the baby was crowning! Without much time to consider our next move we called the Pastor, and with a whole lot of silent prayers one of our girls delivered a beautiful little baby at 8:05. We thank God everything went smoothly as we gathered around. We tied the umbilical cord with dental floss and cut it will craft scissors. Things I never thought I would see, happened right in front of my eyes, inches away from me. I can definitely say that it truly is the miracle of birth.

We were all in shock that night as we cleaned up the new mom and baby girl, Sherlyssa. Three of us being 18 never imagined seeing such things so up close and personal. Needless to say, God had every detail planned out before hand. From staying another night, to fixing a bed outside and setting up lights. It was a divine intervention.

Week two in Haiti was an insane adventure, and we are only getting started.

December ( I'm behind, way behind on the blogs)

Re-cap
Haiti on outreach, after some stop overs we arrived safe and sound in port au prince on the 16th. Along with the news that none of our 20 pieces of luggage arrived with us. We slept over at a YWAM base and went to Mountroise and got settled in our house, without electricity or water. We went to St. Marc the next day, and it was extremely busy and intense (still haven't showered; day 3) Day 4 we get to shower and change our clothes ( those of us who brought some in our carry-on) Finally after a week without luggage it arrived, and we were all super excited. We did some local orphanage ministry, and had a christmas party with the kids, which was a huge hit, they loved it. We let them make cards, gave them all hot chocolate and presents, awesome to see. Our team built a pump for their well and they were very thankful for that. We spent the first month there really building relationships with the local haitians and attending the local church.