in conclusion

on the first flight to Haiti in December of 2010, I was staring out my window quietly whispering to myself, its not about you. After a very long day of travel from Hawaii, and an unexpected delay in Fort Lauderdale, our flight arrived at night into this so called dangerous nation. With all of our luggage lost for 7 days and repeated change in plans it proved to be nothing of what I had hoped for or expected. I was angry with myself for not loving it, and angry with God for sending me there with the knowledge I was going back. I fulfilled my 3 month obligation with my team before going home for a month to fundraise for the second part of my Haiti adventure. I’m not sure how I ever convinced myself to return for the school in May but thankfully God had his hand over my decision and I went.

The last 6 months have been by far the most challenging, ridiculous, and rewarding months of my life.

I realize there is probably no series of words that can effectively explain what it is like to live in a house with 80 people, or share a bathroom with 16 girls. What day to day life with a Haitian family with 2 children is like. Or even the emotion of finding nests of spiders hiding in your clothes. But considering most people don’t know, I will try my best.

Lets start at the beginning. If you walked through our gate you would probably find 5-10 Haitian children from the tent city sitting and yelling out various names in the house. If it was at the end of the school, you would see them stealing our shoe laces to make bracelets that they later sold back to us. If you walked over to the gazebo, you might find a few random mattresses laying on the ground, some people talking, and then you would see our pool. Our lovely pool without a pump, filled with algae and growing many insects and baby frogs, was the reason we could save so much money on water. Instead of flushing our toilets the regular way, we utilized the water in our yard just going to waste and hauled buckets to the bathrooms. After walking past that pool (that people jumped in on more than one occasion) you will see our kitchen, wash buckets and a few rooms tucked behind for our married couples. The front door of our house, never closed, is surrounded by dozens of shoes all mismatched sprawled out over the entrance. Downstairs we have 3 couches that somehow started to be a nesting ground for mosquito's, and yet there would probably be a bunch of people sitting on them. The boys rooms are downstairs, but I don’t think any of them sleep in them. Most of them slept in the gazebo or on the roof. If you continued upstairs you would walk right into our classroom, 60-70 chairs either piled up, or set out for class. The girls rooms are also upstairs, but as I said before, not many of them really slept there. Most girls brought out there mattresses into the classroom at night. For a while I left my bed with my mosquito net I just couldn’t let go of, but after outreach I joined all the other girls in the classroom. Every morning breakfast tried to be at 7, and the staff met in the gazebo at 7:30. Class more often then not started right after 8. We spent the morning listening to lectures and the afternoons learning various things. But it was the night time that you really would have to see. 80 people, half international, half Haitian, all worshiping God together was unlike anything I have ever heard. By the end of the 3 months we all knew each others languages to sing Creole and English songs together.

At the end of those months, we divided up into teams to go out into the nations. We had Haitian missionaries in Brazil, Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, and Benin west Africa. But more than anything we had Haiti walking out the prophesy that Haiti will be a blessing to the nations, not a curse. When people think Haiti, they think earthquake, they don’t think 1 year old girl from cite sole, the poorest place in the Western Hemisphere going to the Amazon in Brazil to minister to the indigenous people. We got to be a part of the restoration of a nation that has been held captive by the assumptions of richer countries that won’t bother to do anything but send millions of dollars that sit in containers. We shared money we shared food and we shared blessings. We brought in knowledge to people who are thirsty for something more than waiting on a hand out. We came together and trusted that God has a plan for Haiti far greater than anything we could imagine. Literally we put our faith to the test and leaped into His arms believing that He asked us to jump and He will catch us.

Living in that house, sending out missionaries, re-affirming a hope in Haiti are all things we were apart of, but none of those things could have been done without the grace of God. It would be foolish to think that we had any part of this more than just saying yes God you are big, and yes God we will go. It’s incomprehensible that that many people lived together like that and we are all sane, and still love each other. God broke down our walls and rebuilt our foundation in Him. He gave us the privilege to walk out in the love that He so generously shows us.

God has given me the love that he has for Haiti and I wont let go of that. Leaving yesterday was the more difficult thing of that entire 8 months. I can’t explain what it feels like to love people like that. I cried for them, I cried for the homes they had to go back to and mostly I just cried because I was sad. It felt like I had just invested my heart into something that could no longer continue. The truth is that I am only a very tiny part of the change of Haiti and although I love it very much, it’s not my time right now to be there.  And as I sat on the plane leaving Haiti last night, I stared out my window and had to repeat to myself, its not about you.

life on the island

after spending a month in the mountains of Haiti, we have moved to the coast of the Dominican Republic. Although its only a 4hour drive across the border it feels a lot different. Less people, less traffic, less Haitians, and more mosquitoes. The place we are staying is a concrete building with open rooms and an unfinished upstairs. Living here is a lot like camping. Every night we set up out beds in random places of the house, with mosquito nets and a lot of people sleep outside and pray it doesn’t rain. I learnt my lesson not to sleep outside when we were woken up at 4am to pouring rain and everyone running inside. Yes, now my bed consists of 2 mattress’s two mosquito nets under the kitchen table with two other girls. Like I said, a lot like camping. On the other hand, we are blessed with plenty of running water and flushing toilets. We even have a pool in the back. The beach is a two minute walk away, and it reminds me of a deserted resort beach. There are lots of dogs and quite a bit of garbage, but this whole town is full of potential. Unlike Haiti, there are a few American stores and places to eat, one of which is Yogen Fruz (frozen yoghurt). The food is amazing here at the base too; we have cooks which the team helps to make each meal, and we are blessed with fruit and veggies everyday. Two teams spend the day out in the town doing ministry and one team stay’s back to prepare meals and work around the base. For the first week our team went to a couple of schools and shared testimonies and drama’s with the children. It’s difficult adjusting to speaking Spanish now instead of Haitian Creole. I find it ironic that for 4 years I was studying Spanish and the last 9 months trying to learn Creole have wiped that completely from my vocabulary. It’s fun trying to remember how to say things and ask questions. Today was our first day of church here, and starts our week here at the base. The base leaders have a wonderful vision for this base to be a place for teams to stay, missionaries to find rest, and a place to offer more training. This is the reason that our teams are spending so much time here. We get the chance to be a small part of the foundation and pioneering of this base, which is very exciting. Although, last week we had one day here at the base working, and we found a spider the size of my hand in one of the rooms.. so I’m a bit afraid of what we might find here.

With 3 short weeks of outreach left I can’t help but think about the fact that I’ll be back in Red Deer in a month. This past year has been crazy and non-stop learning,working, traveling, and being stretched out of my comfort zone. I’ve seen and experienced more things then I even thought was possible. I’m constantly asking if this is really my life and I’m so incredibly grateful for all of the people I have shared this time with. If I had to think of one, the motto for my life would probably be something along the lines of “be flexible” “laugh so that you don’t cry” “it’s not going to look how you thought” or “don’t ask questions”. I can definitely say there was never a dull moment and although a lot of my year was challenging, I’m really going to miss living this way.

a whole new perspective

Two weeks into outreach in Hinche and I’m really starting to see the difference time makes. I’ve spent about 6 months in Haiti now, am staying here for another 2, and I can’t believe how much my outlook on this nation has changed. The first couple months were very difficult for me. I spent a lot of time wondering why I came, why God had let these things happen, and what my part was in all of this. I had a very judgemental and superficial attitude about Haiti and the people who live and work here. I had the let’s save Haiti mentality even if I felt otherwise, that’s what my actions said. I did very little to learn the language or acknowledge the culture as positive in any way. I tried and tried but could never get past the devastation and hurt. I demanded God to help me but wouldn’t let go and let Him. Going home after the first 3 months was bittersweet because I knew God was calling me back to Haiti for an additional 5 months and I couldn’t bear the thought of trying to normalize everything again. In Port au Prince there is trash on the street, people everywhere, constant commotion and someone always trying to get your attention. When I got home I experienced reverse culture shock; realizing where I was and where I came from was not easy. Faithfully God showed me His plan for me to return to Haiti and without a second thought I did. Over the last 3 months when we were in Port au Prince learning more about God, we spent a lot of time in the classroom. We had lots of freedom on days off to go about Port au Prince and explore. This gave me an amazing opportunity to see Haiti in a completely different way; I was actually enjoying the city and the people for the first time. Granted, the last 3 months were not easy, God was changing me and growing me in many new ways. There was a significant difference though in the way I was viewing the nation. I felt very confident in the fact that it is my choice whether I stay here or not. I believe God has called me here, He must have the plan. Bringing us back to present day Hinche. I don’t have the words to explain the change in everything I’ve experienced here. Sure, the people, the space, the land, those are physically different, but my mindset has switched along with everything else. We have been spending so much time in the community here. As always I’m side tracked with thoughts and forget to update what we are actually doing.. So. We are doing a lot of children’s ministry in the area. We have a giant property with grass and a pavilion where we share simple messages telling the love of God, and play ‘ what time is it mr. wolf’. Most of the day our team is split up and some go to outer villages and paint school buildings. That is also a great opportunity to meet people and talk about why we are here. My half of the team stay’s in the town and I love walking back behind the property into the villages. It’s only been a short time but people are already learning our names and getting used to seeing us around. My love for the people here is a big part of the change in myself. I feel genuinely excited each day to wake up and go out to see who God has for us to meet that day. Because we are so incredibly blessed here we get to make our own meals and take care of this beautiful little house each day as well. I feel completely free to let the team do what God is laying on their hearts, and they are always so good at sharing that. It’s not so much that our lives our perfect here, it’s that we are trusting in God to set our paths, and with that comes peace. We are learning daily what it means to live in community and listen to one another. I am a bit worried that after these two months we wont know how to live without each other. All this to say, we still disagree, we still misunderstand, but at the end of the day we are all here for the same reason, and that brings peace. Today in the car on the way to church, God revealed something to me that I hadn’t thought of. He reminded me how 5 months ago I was grumbling my way to church in anything I could find to wear not even looking twice at the children down the row from me. I knew very little Creole, but some words I did know were ‘ go away’, which I used flippantly to the children begging for my attention when I had very little patience. My heart was not to tell them to leave or that I didn’t want them, but that was what I was saying. I don’t think God brought that to my mind to rebuke me, but to show me how much of a difference effort and time make in getting to know a country and its people.  As I sat in the car thinking about this I smiled because of the words I now know, like ‘ please’ or ‘ hold on, I need a minute’. Also because I was wearing the nicest clothes I had that were clean, and I was planning to share about the drama the students would perform. I don’t think the ministry I did for the last few months was ineffective, but there is a huge  difference between doing something because you have to, and doing something because you want to. I can honestly say that right now I love what I’m doing. I am starting to see that the world has a completely skewed view of Haiti, and its ridiculous that it’s always in the news for horrible things. Seriously people, someone needs to start talking about the culture, the achievements and the insane beauty hidden on this island. I keep saying it, we all know it. Please North America, see Haiti for something other than rubble. There is an actually nation behind the headlines that has something good going for them, why is that so hard for us to see? I’m almost embarrassed defending an entire nation that doesn’t need me to defend them. All we have to do is have some faith that our God knows what he is doing with his people.

 

 

when you enter a season for change.. things are bound to change

This last week most of the teams have left for places all around the world. And after spending 3 months together in one house goodbyes aren’t easy. From the last day of class to the last team leaving I’ve been overwhelmed with a sense of accomplishment for everyone who is in DTS this summer. It’s been amazing seeing the transformation of so many students and myself in this time of learning and growing with God. We have had a chance to learn about evangelism, medical and clean water ministries as well as our personal relationship with God. It was a full and busy 3 months and now we have 5 teams all over the world. Some of the Haitians got to ride on a plane for the first time, and see New York  for the day. Others are in Brazil and Jamaica for the first time. We had a hopeful goodbye as each team starts 2 months in a new location.

My team is a team of 8 and two children(9months + 8 years) and we are staying in Haiti for the first month and moving to the Dominican Republic for another month. We started our journey on Friday and are now in a town called Hinch. We were welcomed with open arms and blessings as we arrived at the house we are staying at. The organization had never before received a team outside of their mission so we are the first. Our team could not feel more at home here with warm smiles and hot coffee all the time. Not only are they allowing us to be apart of their mission and ministries, but they are allowing us complete access to the property and everything in it. We are constantly finding ourselves without words for how grateful we are to God for bringing us here.

Today was no exception to all of that. This morning I was woken up to chilly air and running water in the bathroom. (something I’m still not used to) I got dressed in my best Sunday clothes and headed downstairs for a morning devotion and yes.. a cup of coffee awaiting me. It was a slow morning as this all started around six, and we didn’t need to leave for church until nine. As I helped clean up after breakfast I realized just how much it really felt like a normal home-town Sunday morning and I was overly grateful for that. In Port Au Prince Sundays usually involved waking up late, missing breakfast and doing laundry all day. Not bad, just different. Today was refreshing for that exact reason. Church was also a pleasant surprise; it was beautiful architecture, very big and very clean. We had a chance to share with the children, a skit and short message, they were all so adorable. Later on we had an amazing tour of the village surrounding where we are and honestly I did not think Haiti could get any more beautiful. It’s crazy because if people knew what was here, it would be outrun with tourists, and if Haitians knew the value of where they live, they would stop wanting to get to America.

As we have been getting settled these past few days we have also been planning ministry for the next 2 weeks. We will be doing a lot of painting churches and schools, as well as local outreach to the people around us. We are staying in a small, safe community with tons of opportunity to go out and meet people.

Personally I could not feel more blessed here. Our days will be busy and long, but we have an amazing place to come back to to be refreshed, and an amazing God who can do just that. Our team feels such peace being here, and we are all loving being with the children everyday. It’s so nice to have a small enough team that we feel like family and operate like family. I just never could have imagined a year ago this is where I would be today.

 

Your grace has found me just as I am

14 weeks, 7 speakers, 80 people (28 staff, 47 students, 5 kids), 1 house, 2 kitchens, 5 tents, 5 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms, 25 triple bunk beds, 2 trucks, 1 bus, 1 tent city, 6 outreach locations, 1 neighbourhood, 1 city, 1 nation,

80 lives transformed

2 weeks left

My summer has been something very few experience, and the ones that do will never forget it. We live in a small nation in the Caribbean that was once devastated by nature but is now more hopeful than ever. We spend our days learning more about God’s undying love and character, and reaching out to the community and city. It’s hot, sweaty and sticky. We take bucket showers and flush the toilet with water from the pool. We accumulate tons of dust and dirt in and around our house, and line up for meals three times a day. Hand washing clothes has gotten easier but we don’t mind wearing something that might not be clean. This is probably the weirdest definition of community that I have seen.

Every time I stop and think about how crazy this all is, I realize how much grace is really upon us. The house is full of joy and love and respect for one another and although we have times of disagreement, it gets resolved. We had a generosity night where people starting giving what they had to each other in order to help raise money for outreaches. After that night every single person had the $300 deposit. And after two weeks of everyone walking in that spirit of generosity, every single person is able to go on outreach. That means many Haitians and foreign students are traveling to places like Jamaica, Brazil, Benin and the Dominican Republic for 2 months. In a short 2 weeks we will all be splitting up into these teams and going out into the nations to do many different ministries. My team is a small team of 7 with two kids and we will be starting our outreach in a town called Hinch located right in the center of Haiti. We have an amazing opportunity there to work with a Mission that has 16 churches and schools, as well as agricultural areas, children’s ministry and contact with local villages. We may also have the chance to build a water tank there. For now we are planning to spend 2 weeks there, and then move to a more southern part of Haiti where we can work with orphanages, churches, and voodoo ministry. After about one month here in Haiti, our team will be meeting up with 2 more teams (17 people) and going to the Dominican Republic for the second month, and working together there with an awesome contact. This location also has many various ministries we can work with. We are all very excited for this next phase of our school and know God will definitely change us and use us in so many ways.

Something that God has been telling us over the last few months is that Haiti is going to be a blessing for the nations. That He loves this place and these people more than we can ever know, and He wants to see it prosper. Haiti has so much potential. The people are strong, they are fighters and the land is crying out to be used in a Godly way. I firmly believe I will see this nation completely different one day and not from my own doing. The people will rise up, take the land back for God and be honest leaders. Already in the short 6 months that I’ve been here, I have seen proof of that. I’ve met Godly people, I’ve seen restoration, and I’ve felt the change. I can’t get out in words what I feel about this place. There is just something about it under all the trash, the rubble and tent cities there is hope, and its rising up and pushing past all the physical problems.

“He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world”

It is possible to see the potential and the hope when we know He is in us. It doesn't always make life easier, but it always makes life worth living. I am confident that even when I don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m here or who I am, He see’s me. And I know that I don’t make all the right choices or say the right things, but God knows my heart, and my desire to love these people. I try my very best to live out what I believe and love people with my actions but when I fail, I’m still covered in love and grace, and that is comforting. So here we go Haiti, lets both continue this way, knowing God’s love for us, and make this life worth it. 

Haiti you have my heart

Deep room cleaning on a Sunday morning. Pancake and coffee breakfast. Unexpected electricity and internet.

This morning I went through and cleaned out most of my personal belongings and decided what laundry needed to be washed this afternoon. I came across a pocket full of old receipts, I’m not sure how they got there or why I had kept them, but I read through each one. It was really all just a mixture of Starbucks and airport store receipts from the past year. I took the time to throw each one away individually, in a sense throwing away small parts of my year. In some strange way this action contained symbolism for me. It was as if I was looking at the past, and getting rid of what I didn’t need. My only thought was, I want to leave my past behind me, I want to go home different. I want this time to count for something. It’s easy to get caught up in the difficulties of living in a third world nation. It’s easy to let yourself believe that going home to comfort will fix all your problems, and make life better. I know I’ve gone through my fair share of hard times being here, but nothing in comparison to the people who actually live here. I don’t know what it is, but there is something inside of me, even still, that says, you deserve what you have in Canada, you have a right to it. My heart is torn between two realities. Like, if I run away from other peoples problems, then they wont exist. But the facts are, once you see it, once to speak to someone, or experience their life, its impossible to forget. Sure, we can turn off compassion, become numb to everything and wait it out. But once God plants His love in you, its strong. At the beginning of this week we had a severe hurricane warning expected to arrive in the next few days. As we were praying into it I was overwhelmed with the sense of concern for the people living in tents just down the road. I was moved to speak to the staff about my thoughts and was brought to tears at the thought of hundreds of people with no where to go if floods and mudslides did come. I’m not saying this to sound better than anyone, in fact most of the staff felt the same way. I want to say it, because I know God was the one who gave me that heart, and I really think there is something in that. I was overwhelmed by the thought that hundreds of relief workers arrive after a disaster, but where are all these people when they see the storm coming? It was days before the hurricane and yet no one was planning to move these people out of their current state. Will we always be there to clean up the mess instead of prevent it? I needed to do something. Anything I thought. So we broke up into teams to walk around the neighbourhood ( we live in quite a nice part of the city; gates, guards and big houses) I thought surely we could find enough people willing to open their homes to families in the tent city if the storm got too bad. Five. Five houses offered to take people in. Most of the responses I got sounded something like ‘ Sorry Ma’am I can’t do that. This is a government building’ Without hesitation. ‘Sorry, we are the UN, not an NGO. Try the house down the street’ Each house we stopped at, similar answers. As we walked down the road, pouring rain, I felt discouraged. Mostly I think because we hadn’t taken the time to build relationships with these people either. So why should we expect open arms from them. Also because I had thought we were all in Haiti for the same basic reason. Although the hurricane never came, those responses stuck with me. I have to ask myself, am I saying that to God? ‘sorry, that’s not in my contract. I didn’t sign up for that. oh no, to hard lets pack it up and go home’ If it’s not looking how I want it to look, am I more willing to complain then to take advantage of it. I can say it’s not about me, but unless I really live it, it’s just talk. We were reading in James on Friday in class, and my group pointed out a verse. “ Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.”  James 1:22-25 I don’t want to read, and feel and see what God is showing me, and forget all of it. I want to practice what I preach. I know what it says and what I am here to do. I can’t leave with the intention to forget it all.

with all that said. I believe God has insane amounts of grace over me. I wont succeed in everything I do or try but at least I know where I’m supposed to be. The weight of the world is not on my shoulders, and I don’t have to carry Haiti’s burdens. God shows me small pieces of His heart for this nation and I feel my love for it growing. Three months may not be a long time at all, but if I give everything I can it will be well worth it. I know its not about the action itself, but the heart behind it that counts.

How in the world did I get here?

life as we know it.

1:39pm Port au Prince Haiti. Sitting on the floor of my room leaning up against my suitcase, positioned right in front of the fan. Thanking God that the electricity is on. Just had some spaghetti lunch and a piece of dark chocolate, meditating on the last few weeks, and just trying to write a blog. I got half way through writing one, and accidently deleted it. Writers block. Or in my case, DTS staff blog writing block. Our speaker this week is teaching on spiritual warfare, he is from Texas, he is very passionate and has lived here for 25 years, yes this week will not be dull. With an extra 30 people from his base here for the week, we have around over 110 people or so I've lost count. Last week we hiked up a mountain, did a medical clinic, hiked back down, and built a water tank. And by we, I really just mean my team, because I got sick on day 2, slept on the floor of the church with the backpacks, and tried to watch what I ate. Well we have 5 weeks here at the house before we break of into teams and go out into the world. My team is lucky team Haiti, and we will be staying here for the two months.